From A to Zoe: Same-sex positions cause Clinton uproar

Hillary ClintonBY ZOE AMOS

Presidential candidate, Hillary Clinton, declared her support of same-sex marriage along with several other same-sex positions. Armed with a graphic Powerpoint presentation that included videos, Clinton explained exactly how her position had changed and how happy she was when she made it. Her delight was shared by the LGBT community who not only welcomed her support for same-sex marriage, but busted their collective butts to get home to try out the new positions.

The surprise announcement came despite Clinton’s avowed heterosexuality. At a news conference Clinton said, “Shifting my position felt natural and frankly, being on top of my subject makes me feel more comfortable. It was a long time in coming and I felt a great release.”

Responding to her statement, spokesperson Anita Muff from the lesbian PR firm Butch and Cassidy, remarked, “It’s understandable that Clinton prefers being on top. It’s a natural expression of her personality. After all, she’s a powerful woman. We would expect her to take charge.”

Years ago, Clinton’s detractors tried to discredit her by calling her a lesbian. Since then, this country has witnessed a sea change in attitudes, lesbian wannabes dominate the media, the USA soccer team accepted straight women, and with the exception of a few backwater hold-outs, a majority of states have passed legislation to further same-sex marriage and civil liberty protections.

Even in Indiana and much of the South, where stubborn attitudes cling like liars to falsehoods, closeted gays found reason to hope. “It’s a mystery to me why women continue to vote against their best interests,” said one woman who preferred to remain anonymous. “Perhaps this new revelation will free women to vote their conscious and stop being led like sheep to the slaughter. Also, I tried one of the positions she recommended and my partner and I loved it! Wow! Check out slide eleven on the PowerPoint. She’s got my vote.”

Interviewed at home, Florida republican Jeb Bush scoffed at the news. “This ploy is merely a political version of ‘Girls Gone Wild.’ She’s taken a page from her husband’s playbook to get publicity. Should I join the presidential race, I’m not worried about getting women voters. History has proven how much women like a Bush.”

While Clinton’s appeal for women is busting out front and center, millions of men find her an attractive candidate, too. Roland Tumble, director of the San Francisco-based LGBTQQIAXYZ Center said, “We cheered at her commitment to our community. Hillary is hot and ready to go. It’s times like this, I wish I were a lesbian.”

Upon hearing the news, another San Franciscan, Monica Lewinsky, also made an astounding admission. In a Twitter post that has since gone viral, Lewinsky tweeted: “Finally can tell rest of story. My only interest in Bill was to get to Hillary. So happy for her. Hillary, call me.”

A spokeswoman in the Clinton camp indicated there could be more startling announcements in the days to come, inferring that Clinton’s openness at trying new positions bodes well for other aspects of the leadership role she hopes to win in 2016.

Zoe Amos brings her lesbian point of view to articles and stories on diverse topics. Connect with her on Facebook and Twitter. Read her stories on Kindle and Nook. Check out her other life at

2 Responses to “From A to Zoe: Same-sex positions cause Clinton uproar”

  1. Julia

    Laugh out loud funny. Zoe, you rock and Yes, this seals it, I’m voting for Hillary!


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