BY JENNIE MCNULTY
Lesbian.com
It’s that time of year again — time for “New Year’s Resolutions.”
In medieval times, during the Christmas season, the knights used to place their hands on a live or roasted peacock and reaffirm their vows to the ideas of chivalry. It was called a “peacock vow,” then they ate the peacock. I believe it was a peacock who coined the phrase, “Chivalry is dead.”
In modern times, we just promise to start exercising, save money or quit smoking. I don’t know how the knights made out each year, but most of us have dropped our peacock vows by February. It’s kinda sad, but, at least, the peacock lives.
There are articles a plenty on the Internet with tips on making successful New Year’s Resolutions. We are told to be specific (lose 10 lbs vs. get in shape); be realistic (start dating again vs. marry Angelina Jolie) and write things down, so it’s easier to keep track and stay motivated (and easier to remember what the hell you said you were gonna do).
Those are all great pieces of advice, but I have a few more for our Lesbian.com readers. Ready? Grab a piece of paper and write this list down:
NO. 1: MAKE A LIST OF RESOLUTIONS
Then, on January 1, you can cross that one off. Bam! You’re well on your way to self-improvement.
NO. 2: COME OUT
Sometime during this year, come out to someone who doesn’t know you’re gay. (If you’re gay, if you’re just an interested, straight Lesbian.com reader, this does not pertain to you. However, if you do write it down, I guess you can cross it off already. Damn, you straights have it easy.) But, if you’re gay, come out to someone. You know, every time you come out, an angel gets some glitter.
NO. 3: DO SOMETHING POLITICAL
We are making great gains in our civil rights, but we still have a long way to go. You don’t have to run for Congress, but sign a petition, post a message about an LBGT cause, or do something to help raise awareness. For example, put up a lawn sign that reads: “We’re here. We’re queer. And your property values are going up.”
NO. 4: TAKE A WALK EVERY DAY
OK, nothing really funny and/or LGBT-oriented about this one. But, I promise, you’ll feel better. And, you might just accidentally get in shape in the process, then bigots will say, “Well, I don’t know if they should marry, but those gays sure are a fit bunch.” Seriously, just do it, you’ll feel better.
NO. 5: SUPPORT LGBT FILMMAKERS, AUTHORS AND ENTERTAINERS
Aside from the Melissa Ethridges and Ellen DeGenereses, most of this work struggles to be seen. And, most of it is pretty awesome. Instead, what does get seen can be pretty shitty. But, to my knowledge, none of us has written a movie/book/song about killing a world leader. Although, I must confess, I did once do a joke about spilling the contents of Sarah Palin’s skull. It’s OK, nothing came out.
NO. 6: BE NICE TO YOUR PARTNERS
Feel free to add this to their list, too.
AND FINALLY, NO. 7: QUIT BEATING YOURSELF UP
There are plenty of people willing to do that for you. Did you vow to quit smoking and start again? So what. Try again. Whatever you said you’re gonna do, just keep trying it. Nothing is or has to be perfect. At least, you’re trying. And, unless you’re a medieval peacock, you can try again.
Jennie McNulty was named one of Curve magazine’s Top 10 lesbian comedians. She can be heard weekly as co-host of LA Talk Radio‘s “Cathy Is In: The Cathy DeBuono Show.”
