Ask the femme: My girlfriend hates that I’m bisexual

Natasia Langfelder of Ask the FemmeBY NATASIA LANGFELDER

Welcome back to Ask the Femme, your one stop shop for queer loooooove advice. This week, we explore the problem of having a girlfriend who isn’t comfortable with bisexuality.

Dear Femme,

I hope you can help because I’m at the end of my rope with my girlfriend. We have been together for 7 months and she is always picking at me for being bisexual. She says mean things like “I bet you think he’s hot,” whenever a reasonably attractive man walks by. I haven’t even been with a man in years and I’ve never cheated on her! We can’t even watch “Grey’s Anatomy” together because she says that I will go and sleep with a man and get pregnant and make her raise the baby! When I tell her that she’s bothering me, she says that my being bisexual bothers her, so we are even. I don’t get it because she knew I was bisexual when we met. If she hated the idea of it so much then why did she even ask me out? What the heck am I supposed to do?

Please help!

Girls kissing

(Photo via GirlsWithBeanies/Tumblr)

Hi Bi,

Wow. Your girlfriend sounds like a real…peach. If I were you, I would probably ditch her for someone who is less biphobic. More and more women are labelling themselves as sexually fluid, so it isn’t too hard to find someone who is more understanding of the nuances of your sexuality.

But, if you want to save this relationship, and it sounds like you do, you need to understand that she is very insecure and that’s where this mean-spiritedness is coming from. Maybe she didn’t realize just how jealous and insecure she would get when you two first started dating and now that things are serious, she’s terrified of losing you.

Parade participants carrying a large bisexuals banner

You need to sit her down and tell her you want to talk about this issue seriously, without the childish “we are even” argument. Seriously, that makes no sense! Tell her what you told me, that she knew who you were when you met her and that as your partner, you want her to accept all your parts. Tell her you know that being with a bisexual can be scary, because it seems like bisexuals have more opportunities to cheat or could have a slight gender preference. Ease her fears by telling her you don’t prefer one sex over the other and that you would never cheat on a romantic partner, especially not her. Tell her that her biphobia is pushing you away and making you feel rejected and unhappy. Those feelings are more likely to make you end the relationship than a hot guy walking down the street, so you need her to stop rejecting one of your core traits.

Good luck, Bi! Let me know what happens.

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Natasia Langfelder is just a girl, writing about girls in New York City. Read more of her work at Hot Femme in the City.

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