Queer Abby: Don’t wait for a date


Meet Queer Abby, our new advice columnist, feel free to ask her anything in the comments below or write to her directly at abagailwaller@gmail.com.

Alexandra writes:
Hello Abby,
I am a transgender woman. I wanted some advice on how I can find a woman that would want to date a transgender woman.
Thank you,

Dear Alexandra,
In the LGBTQ community finding a date can seem like an overwhelmingly arduous task. As I wrote in my last column, “I went to a local lesbian dive bar on “college” night to nervously dance to Top 40’s hits while giving the eye to any cute girl that looked my way.” — meaning, as hard and as nervewracking as it was, I put myself out there.

This is truly half the battle. Really, more than half. Once I swallowed my anxiety and fear of being turned down, I started getting a few phone numbers and eventually…some super hot make-out sessions. I kind of feel like a lot of people have probably told you or would tell you to check out dating sites (and hey, this works really well for some) and I bet you’ve already done that. However, if you haven’t, go ahead and sign up on a few, but do your very best not to get your hopes up. Online dating can be so unpredictable as literally anyone can create a profile and make up a persona rather than being forthright about who they really are. Just be extremely careful.

Okay. You have your online dating profiles up. Well, don’t wait for a date. Don’t sit by your computer waiting for the right transwoman to come to you. It’s time to grab a few pals and get on out there. Do you have some queer/trans-friendly clubs or events in your area? Find a supportive friend or two to attend them or go out with you. Even if you’re apprehensive about going to a party or a social gathering because perhaps you’re afraid you won’t know a lot of people — squash that fear and go! These are the best parties to meet new people. I met my wife at the party of a friend of a friend where I hardly knew anyone. Rule #1 in dating: Put yourself out there.

Last but not least, I’m kind of a believer in that love (or just intimate encounters) will find you when you’re at your best. So, be sure you’re taking care of you. Take plenty of time to do the things you enjoy, surround yourself with good people, and in due time good things will find you.

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