“Lesbian bed death is a term coined by University of Washington sociologist Pepper Schwartz in her 1983 book American Couples. According to Schwartz, lesbian couples in committed relationships have less sex than any other type of couple, and they generally experience less sexual intimacy the longer the relationship lasts. The study has been criticized by the lesbian community and some psychologists as popular myth.”
It’s scientifically proven that women overall have less of a sex drive than men but is that the reason why the phrase Lesbian Bed Death was coined? I’ve got a different view than some lesbians. I’m what the community might call a “lipstick lesbian” because of my appearance but in bedroom I’m always fair game for anything that might go “down”.
Several of the partners I’ve had are the epitome of the phrase Lesbian Bed Death. “I’ve got a headache, I’m tired, I’m sick, I’m not in the mood.” I’m a Capricorn with a Scorpio Moon so my emotional self is sexual all the way. In fact, I live through that Scorpio Moon most of the time. I’m weird and kinky, loving and gentle. I live for physical closeness, sexual or not. I love to be close to my partner physically.
The thing is with women, sex is just a piece of the puzzle. Snuggling, touching, caressing, kissing and holding are just as fulfilling as sexual stimulation. I’m more of the “dude” in the relationship and I still would love to do all of the above and find it satisfying for the most part. However, there still comes a time when going all the way needs to be a part of the equation.
When I first met my wife, I woke up every day in handcuffs grinning (she’s a Scorpio). Not so much anymore but then again we’ve been together for 3 years. Are we a victim of Lesbian Bed Death? Maybe, but I doubt it. If I have anything to do with it, it won’t be happening anytime soon (as I scope Amazon for a new toy).
The secret to stopping or preventing lesbian bed death is to make a conscious and active effort. A relationship is a work in progress, period. You can’t expect a relationship to last without putting your all into it. How much do you love this person and want to be with them?
Get creative. I order new toys regularly. Even if we don’t use them right away, my partner gets curious about how it works and we eventually break it out of the package.
Insist on sleeping together. I snore unless I take a Claritin D (allergy to dust mites) so sleeping together can be a challenge sometimes. I always make sure I do all that I can to not snore so we can sleep spooning (my favorite). Intimacy is the key word here.
With women, it’s not just about getting off, it’s all the intimacy that goes along with it. Do I believe in Lesbian Bed Death? Not really. I believe in slacker lesbians who don’t try hard enough to keep the fires burning.
Stop whining that you don’t get it enough and start doing something about it.
In Canada, I used to get O’s on my report card for Outstanding. Get an “Oh” for Outstanding girls and put in an outstanding effort to keep it fun and exciting. Call me if you need some advice 🙂