Hot Femme’s guide to successful summer lovin’

Natasia Langfelder is Hot Femme in the CityBY NATASIA LANGFELDER
Hot Femme in the City

Party Time book cover

When summer hits, think more “topless pool parties, bottomless depravity” than marriage

So you want to have a summer fling. I know most of you think you don’t need “rules” for summer love, but you do. Trust me. For a gay girl, not breaking out the U-Haul on the second date is totally counter-intuitive. I’m laying these out now because I know that come September, I’m going to be flooded with “Ask the Femme” emails that ask for advice on dealing with the girl that doesn’t text back anymore.

Why does this happen? Because a lot of people take on summer internships in different cities, or leave school to go back home for summer break or are simply taking advantage of the less busy season to date, but will disappear when their workload picks up again. Or maybe it’s as simple as summer time meaning party time.

Again, each situation is different and summer flings do have the potential to turn into more. Either way, it’s better to play this Cool Spice so you don’t get hurt or scare away your love interest.

Keep it light
Summer is not known as the season of introspection. In fact, it’s brain hibernation season. Think about it, most of us opt for fun beach reads instead of Tolstoy and shell out for summer blockbusters where “sh*t gets blow’d up.” So when you meet someone at a rooftop bar or a summer barbecue, don’t lead with serious conversation. Talk about the things that will keep a smile on your face and hers.

Boobs belong in my hands meme

Like boobs! Who doesn’t love those?

Keep your expectations low
When you start talk to a girl, totally click and get the digits, it’s easy to let your brain automatically jump to the next step.

Girls with puppies

‘OMG! We both love dogs and we will walk ours together every morning and then do the crossword puzzle and sip Starbucks and this is ammmaazzzzinngggg!’

Stop. Right. There. A lot of the time, you don’t know if she’s just in your town for the summer. Or if you are the out-of-towner, you have no idea if the woman you just met is up for a long distance thang.

This rule might seem like common sense, but let me share a horrible Hot Femme story of dyke drama with you.


Oh no! Not a horrible one!

Yes, a horrible one.

A long time ago, when I was single, I had a hot summer fling with a girl who was in town for the summer. Let’s call her Amanda. We went on awesome, inventive dates all over Brooklyn and I would stay over her place afterward…to um…play Scrabble and stuff.

I knew Amanda was going back to where she was from when the summer was over, so it was all good. One weekend she said she couldn’t hang out because her dad was in town. Then I got a myspace message (yup, I had that) from her roommate telling me that Amanda’s dad was never in town, it was actually Amanda’s girlfriend.

My expectations were low, but they apparently weren’t low enough.

The moral of the story is some relationships aren’t meant to last forever, some are. Remember that meeting someone you like and getting to know them is valuable in itself. She doesn’t need to turn into your girlfriend for it to be a great experience for you both. And if it does work out? Then you can jump for joy because you totally didn’t see that one coming.

Girl falling

She likes me! She really likes me!

Keep it low maintenance
This is by far the easiest rule. Find a make-up regimen that won’t melt off and make you look like a rodeo clown in the heat. Keep anything you need to “touch-up” in your bag with you. I recommend a tinted moisturizer with SPF 15, a small compact with loose powder, eyeliner, a moisturizing lip gloss that also contains SPF 15 and blotting papers.

Wear clothes that are comfortable and loose and if they can’t be loose, at least try to make sure they are cotton. Sweat stains are not sexy. Same goes for shoes, wear footgear that you can walk in and that won’t give you blisters if you sweat and have some extra friction. Limping down the boardwalk? Not sexy.

Also, if you know that you will be outdoors and that you burn easily, put on sunscreen before you leave the house. No one wants make out with a lobster.

Girl kissing lobster

Except this chick…and she’s pretty hot soooo…now I don’t know anymore. Just put on freaking sunscreen cuz health.

Be up for anything
Not all of us are lucky enough to live in areas with beautiful climates. The summer is the time when most people try to cram as many outdoor activities into their schedule as possible. Being too high maintenance to rough it during the summer isn’t as adorable as it is in the winter, when you can offer a snuggle and a cup of hot chocolate.

If you follow the “low maintenance” rule, then you can easily go for a hike, chill at a rooftop bar, chow down on veggie burgers at a queer vegan BBQ, hit the beach, or play frisbee in the park. Summer is a great time to explore new activities. If you aren’t open to new experiences, your crush can probably find another girl to go out and play with her. Besides, who doesn’t love to try new things? Remember, the girl may not last, but if she taught you to love beach volleyball, you can keep that for always!

You got all that? Good.

Girls kissing in doorway

Now go enjoy your hot summer.

Natasia Langfelder is just a girl, writing about girls in New York City. Read more of her work at Hot Femme in the City.

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