Help, my new girlfriend has herpes

Herpes and lesbian sexBY NIA PERSON

I’ve recently started dating someone who is absolutely amazing, sexy, stunning — all the things! The problem is that she just told me that she has herpes. I’m worried that I might get it, so we haven’t hooked up in a way that could make that a possibility. I really want her, but I’m not sure what to do. Would the risk of me getting it be lower if she takes some sort of a daily pill? Should I suggest that?

Good news! You have the tools to make it better immediately: You can calm the hell down about her herpes.

I will first answer your question, then elaborate. The simple quick and dirty answer is “no.” Do not go to your new lover and ask them to take a daily medication because you are scared. It is solely her choice and you, as a brand new human in her life, do not have the right to make any requests like that.

The only reason the herpes meds would help her would be if she is getting outbreaks frequently enough where they start to interfere with her sex life. Taking medication does not prevent transmission, but only lessens the frequency of the outbreaks. That means, you can still contract HSV, if your partner is on them. That’s why I said, “help her.”

After all is said and done, dear reader, your likelihood of contracting herpes from your partner is quite low, especially if she is thoughtful enough to let you know her status before you were put at risk. Many people will see one outbreak, then not another one for the rest of their lives. Many people who have herpes may never even pass them on to anyone else.

The solution to this dilemma does not lie in whether she should be taking medication or not, but in how you are relating to the news about her STI status. There are so many people in the world who have HSV-1 or HSV-2 and don’t know it. You happened to have found someone who is aware. It’s now up to you to either get OK with this fact about her or let her get over you.

Nia Person has been interested in how people fit together since the first time she realized that the word “sex” can mean a plethora of different things to different people. TMI? There’s no such thing — her ears perk up whenever there is a relationship or life mystery to be solved. Nia is SFSI certified sex geek and is shooting Cupid’s arrows as a matchmaker at Tawkify. Nia is currently living in the loveliest of menageries in Oakland, California. Send questions to

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