Lesbian dating 101: 5 easy ways to ask a woman out

Asking a woman on a date has never been easierBY CANDY PARKER

For all but the most confident of lesbian Lotharios, asking a woman out is an intimidating prospect. No one enjoys the sting of rejection and if the object of your desire has been a long-term friend, proposing to elevate the relationship can be risky. In order to make the task a little less daunting we offer the five following methods for asking a woman out.

The more, the merrier. This is the simple way to ease into the one-on-one date concept. Plan an evening with friends—a game night at your place, karaoke night at the local bar, liquid ladies dance night at the club—and invite your love interest to join the gang. This approach is a hit for several reasons—you don’t have to get all worked up about asking her out for a solo date, you can demonstrate that you have friends and are fun to be around and it relieves the pressure that might otherwise exist in a one-on-one first date scenario.

Technology is your friend. For those who fear that they will simply shrivel up and die on the spot if their, “Hey, you wanna go out sometime?” query is asked and rejected face-to-face, count your blessings that you now live in the era of social media, text messages, email, and instant messages. They say coming out is getting easier; heck, going out is even easier! If you can’t muster the bravado to ask a woman out in person, then pick a technology, any technology, and get to it. Key here is picking just one method, though. Don’t sabotage yourself by simultaneously text messaging, posting on her Facebook wall and emailing her. Bad form. Bad form, indeed.

Good deeds aren’t just for Boy Scouts anymore. You’ve had your eye on a girl for a while, but haven’t marshaled the confidence to ask her out. Now you learn that she’s moving/organizing a charity event/volunteering for a park clean-up effort. There’s your in! Offer to help with the move or tag along as an extra set of hands for the community service effort. You come off as kind and philanthropic and, hey, a girl’s going to need dinner after lifting all those boxes or picking up trash at the park, right?

You have tickets to what? If you’re not above virtually bribing a woman to go out with you, you can always use the, “Hey, I-have-an-extra-ticket-to-insert-name-of-hottest-concert/sporting event-in-town-here-would-you-like-to-go?” method. Employing this approach may be quite telling. On one hand, if you get a “no” for any reason other than she has to attend a funeral for a close relative, then chances are she’s just not that into you. However, if you get a “yes” and she doesn’t completely ignore you at the concert/event in favor of the other women there, essentially treating you in a strictly platonic fashion, then you just might be on to something.

That’s what friends are for. This is a last resort method and one which is typically implemented only by third-graders. However, if you find yourself on the verge of a panic attack while merely contemplating the suggestions above, then you can always ask a friend to do the deed. This works best if your love interest is someone in your existing group of friends, as you can call upon Friend A (friend friend) to do some reconnaissance work with Friend B (love interest friend) so that you won’t be sailing into uncharted waters when at last you propose an evening for two on the love boat.

The reality is that none of us, except perhaps Abby Wambach, Melissa Etheridge and Jillian Michaels, are guaranteed an affirmative response every time when asking a woman out. The possibility of rejection is entirely unavoidable. However, this is an area in which we lesbians can learn from our straight male counterparts. If she says “no” don’t take it too personally. Just dust yourself off and move on to the next one; no harm, no foul. Besides, it’s her loss, right?

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6 Responses to “Lesbian dating 101: 5 easy ways to ask a woman out”

  1. Cindy Zelman

    I plan to use every method you mentioned. Anyone want to go to a James Taylor concert with me? I seriously have an extra ticket. I prefer the bribery method. Nice article, as always, Candy. 🙂

    • candy

      Thanks so much, Cindy, and best of luck to you. Please check back and let us know which methods end up working best.

  2. Jeannine

    How do you let a girl know your interested in her when your miles away and just chat on FB?

    • candy

      Well, the straightforward answer is, “Just tell her!” That said, long-distance relationsips are always tricky. Give thought to whether it’s truly practical to attempt to elevate the relationship across the miles. Do you both have the time/means to travel frequently to actually establish a relationship? Could you see yourself completely uprooting your life to be with her? Those questions, and many more, are difficult to answer when all you have to go on is what you know of the person from Facebook. Weigh the facts carefully and if it seems like a situation where something might be able to develop, go for it!

  3. Angry

    If you are single do not go out in groups every night. There was a woman that I wanted to talk to but she literally sat with her friends the whole night didn’t even get up to go to the bathroom.

    If you are with your friends take breaks every now and then go outside get some air. Don’t you want to see what that thing is on the wall over there. Leave your friends and go check it out.


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