BY NATASIA LANGFELDER
I’ve been single for two years. It seems like every time I start dating someone, things go smoothly for one or two months and then she just disappears! I don’t get it. I don’t have sex with anyone until I think they are really interested (definitely not on the first date!) and everything always seems to be fine until the other person stops returning my calls. I’m not a needy person, I don’t call or text my dates every five minutes but I pay enough attention for them to know I am interested. What am I doing wrong? Thanks for your help!
Two Month Chump
Thanks for writing! I’m sorry to hear about your predicament, it’s a pretty tricky situation. I don’t know much about you, but I’m going to try to give you the best advice possible. There are several different possibilities.
1) It’s not you, it’s them: What type of women are you choosing to date? What is the common thread? Do you tend to choose women who have just gotten out of long-term relationships? Do you gravitate towards women who aren’t looking for a long term partner? Try to find out on the first or second date if your date is emotionally available or just looking for a good time. Usually you can just trust your instincts on this one. If she starts crying into her ice cream about her ex-girlfriend, she’s probably not ready to date anyone seriously. That’s your cue to cut her out or put her into the friend zone. This is the best way to ensure you don’t get your feelings hurt down the road. You have to look out for those red flags before you invest your heart into someone.
2) It’s not them, it’s you: What signals do you send to your dates? Are you sending out “let’s just be friends” vibes? Do come across as not wanting to be in a long-term relationship? Are you so concerned with coming across as ‘needy’ that you come across as disinterested? Listen to yourself when you talk, do you talk about your ex too much? Do you talk about traveling the world with no ties or commitments to anyone or anything? These are red flags to girls who are looking to settle down with someone. If a month has passed and the girl is still around, talk about a future that applies to both of you.
3) You haven’t met the right one yet: It sucks, but dating is a numbers game. There’s a chance that the relationships you have had have faded out because she just wasn’t the right one for you. When you meet the right person, things click into place. I know that after being single for awhile, it’s hard to imagine that happening so easily, but when you meet the right person it won’t be this hard.
4) Be yourself, be spontaneous: TMC, it sounds like you have your dating game down to a science. You have rules for yourself about when to text and how often and when to have sex, etc. Is that really you? Be yourself, follow your instincts instead of going by the book. Throw the book away. Do whatever you want and ask your date if she’s in for the ride.
Good luck, TMC and let me know if it works!
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