“If you’re dating a woman who looks like a man, then why don’t you just date men?” We femmes hear this question far too often. Granted, most of the time we get this question it is just some jerk trying to get under our skin, but as unbelievable as it may sound, there are still some people who look us in the eye and ask because they truly wonder. The moment someone asks why I don’t just date men, they are telling me that they have no understanding or appreciation of what it means to be a woman. People with these questions are saying that their idea of a woman is based solely on physical appearance.
If we put traditional ideas of masculine and feminine on two ends of a spectrum, most of us fall somewhere in between. It is society, the media, and the idea of “traditional roles” that put men on one side and women on the other. My spectrum does not have men. I am a lesbian, and being attracted to the more “masculine” end of the spectrum does not change that. At its core, when someone asks the question, “If you’re dating a woman who looks like a man, then why don’t you just date men?” what they’re really saying is, “You’re dating a woman and she does not fall within my limited mold. It makes me uncomfortable and so does your sexuality.”
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Tagg Magazine is a print and online resource for LBT women in the DC Metropolitan and Rehoboth, DE areas