Brandi Carlile, the whiskey drinking, fedora wearing, out lesbian country singer had quite the performance at Napa Valley’s BottleRock. Although she is engaged to Catherine Shepherd, that didn’t stop the crowd from going googly-eyed over her. And for good reason. Not only does she have a contagious smile and eyes worth meeting, but her voice soars over and above the audience.

Brandi Carlile winked while yodeling the lyric, “I’m in love with a beautiful gal,” evoking peals of delight from  the ladies in the audience. Carlile sported a purple bandana tied to the waist of her pants which hung like a tail of pride. With BottleRock primarily marketed as a rock festival, Carlile held her own as a country/folk singer.

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Churchgoers receiving (rainbow) communion (Photo: Courtney Perry)

BY PAUL BRANDEIS RAUSHENBUSH
Huffington Post Gay Voices

On May 14, Minnesota became the 12th state to sign gay marriage into law asGovernor Mark Dayton signed its marriage equality bill and said “life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness should certainly include the right to marry the person you love.” Two days before, the Rev. Jay Bakker presided over the opening of Revolution Church in Minneapolis , which meets at Bryant Lake Bowl. Bakker had recently relocated with his wife to Minneapolis from New York City, where he started Revolution Church NYC, which continues to meet in a bar in Brooklyn.

To celebrate the first day of the church and in honor of the pending pro-LGBT legislation, a friend of Bakker’s, the theologian and Patheos blogger Tony Jones, along with his photographer wife Courtney Perry and daughter Lilly, baked a special rainbow-colored communion bread to be shared at the church service.

Natasia, our resident Hot-advice-givin’-Femme, is back to to help you solve lesbian life’s toughest problems. Have a question for Femme? Email her.

Hi Natasia,

Since I was in high school, I have thought about and messed around with women on a few occasions. I had actual relations with only one girl. That story ended up being a very destructive one which completely negated and perhaps suppressed every concept of women being together. While I was messing around with my “girlfriend,” I sort of came out to my boyfriend — and that boyfriend is my husband now. I thought my feelings and thoughts about women were completely behind me until recently.

My husband is away at work for three months and I keep wanting to venture out to some lesbian watering hole to see. See what? I am not sure.

You know the whole idea about opening Pandora’s Box and then being in a lot of trouble? I don’t want to hurt my husband. Also, I don’t think I am a lesbian or a bisexual person. How do I know I know if I am or not? I hope this doesn’t sound too cliché, but I don’t know if my college experiences qualify as legit experiences toward how I classify myself sexually. At times, I feel like I got stuck in the fad of being temporarily into women (my friend in college fell into the same pattern. I feel like we did that together just for the fun of it because we were so bored with ourselves, as awful as that sounds). I sometimes tell myself that messing around with women is absolutely gross. In reality, I do that only because I am afraid to admit the truth to myself — whatever the truth may be.

I have spent a lot of time online trying to figure out if I want to go to Ginger’s Bar or places such as, to see if I am attracted to any lesbians. However, I don’t think I would be able to go by myself and look. I cannot tell anyone either or ask for company. Plus, from what I read, a lot of places in NYC cater to non-girly women that I often find attractive. I also don’t think it’s fair to lie to somebody that I am not married, if I do meet someone. Any advice?

Honey

Oh Honey,

There’s a lot to unpack here. Femme is gonna deal you some tough love — but I hope it will help you resolve the conflict that’s troubling you!

First of all, you say maybe you were just into women because you were bored. Um. No. Not unless you have been bored through high school and college and while you were dating your future husband…who you cheated on.

…Which brings me to my second point. You cheated on your boyfriend/now-husband with a woman and now you stack a rotten relationship up against the very concept of lesbian relations because it ended badly for you… It ended badly because you weren’t a match, or because it was founded in dishonesty, or maybe she just wasn’t a nice person.  It didn’t end badly because it was two women.

I know this sounds harsh but it will feel better to take responsibility for your actions. Don’t pass your attraction to women off as “being bored.”  Trying to get yourself back on the straight and narrow by convincing yourself that girls hooking up with girls is gross won’t work either. You are hurting yourself and you are hurting your husband.

Experiences don’t define sexuality… But let me tell you how I know you’re probably bisexual or a lesbian. Straight women don’t worry nearly as much about being queer as you do. If you were straight and maybe experimenting in high school or college, the ‘phase’ would be over by now since you’re married.
I’m not going to tell you where to go to meet hot women or how to do it. It sounds like it is really what you want but if you then feel torn about it and think things like “girlsex is gross and always ends horribly!” you’re not going to be making any personal progress. It seems like you want me to sanction you cheating on your husband with a woman, but you don’t need my permission to “be bored” and have sex with a woman. Guess whose permission you need to do that?
Right, the permission of the person you married and, frankly, permission from yourself. Tell yourself that it is okay to pursue your desires when you are honest within existing relationships. Tell your husband you are lonely when he’s gone and you want to explore your bisexual leanings. Tell him you’ve obviously been very conflicted and confused for most of your post-pubescent life and you would like a chance to mingle with some queer women and figure it out once and for all. If he understands where you are coming from, great! Go find a willing lady. If he isn’t into it, I recommend you go to a therapist and talk through your internalized homophobia and how to make peace with bisexual tendencies which you are unable to explore because you are monogamous with a man.

The last point I would like to make is that nowhere do you mention how happy you are with your husband or how great he is, blah blah blah. All that couple stuff and qualifiers I usually get from people in sexually incompatible partnerships is missing from this (long) email. You might want to examine your relationship and see if this marriage what you want, or if you need time to figure out yourself. There’s no shame in figuring out who you are and what you really want. Honesty, integrity and respect are key factors in getting what you want without opening that Pandora’s Box.
Good luck, Honey. If you see me in Ginger’s, say hi!

xoxo
Femme
Have a burning question for Femme? Email her.

Natasia Langfelder is just a girl, writing about girls in New York City. Read more of her work at Hot Femme in the City.

Casey Legler, a female male model (Photo: Jean-Baptiste Mondino)

BY SOH-YEON LEE
dot429

The recent prominence of androgyny, possessing both masculine and feminine characteristics, in the fashion industry is reforming gender-normative standards. Casey Legler, 36, the first woman to sign exclusively as a male model, shows nothing short of displaying her individuality in her photographs. She is acutely self-aware and confident. “Being the first woman on a men’s board is the least surprising bit to me. It’s me.” Legler said. 

Legler’s contract to be a male model is an encouraging and a symbolic gesture for breaking gender barriers, more precisely because she declares, “I’m not androgynous. There is no ambiguity with me.” She is not disguising to fit a visual idea of being a male model. She is merely projecting her authenticity.

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(Robyn Beck/AFP/Getty Images)

BY MICHAEL K. LAVERS
Washington Blade

SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico–The Puerto Rican Senate on Thursday approved a bill that would ban employment discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity and expression in the U.S. territory. The 15-11 vote took place after lawmakers for several hours debated Senate Bill 238 that Sen. Ramón Nieves Pérez introduced in January.

The bill’s passage comes three days after San Juan Mayor Carmen Yulín Cruz mandated the Puerto Rican capital’s police department to equally apply the island’s current domestic violence laws, regardless of the reported victim’s sexual orientation. She also signed a second executive order that bans discrimination against the city’s municipal employees based on their sexual orientation or gender identity and expression.

Read more at WashingtonBlade.com

Washington Blade is America’s leading gay news source.

Bonnie Thunders

BY GLENNISHA MORGAN
Huffington Post Gay Voices

On the heels of NBA veteran Jason Collins coming out, Brooklyn-based freelance writer and HuffPost blogger Jim Flood wrote a blog post about how roller derby provides a model for pro sports in accepting openly gay men. To expand upon the topic, roller derby star Bonnie Thunders recently discussed why the sport is so accepting of its lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) players.

“Most people look at the women’s side of it and think that it’s all of these butch girls playing roller derby. So it just tends to go very easily with lesbians and roller derby,” said Thunders. “I think with guys, most of the guys that play roller derby aren’t your typical athletes.”

Read more  at Huffington Post Gay Voices

Zoe Saldana (Photo: Allure)

BY TRISH BENDIX
AfterEllen

“Star Trek Into Darkness“ star Zoe Saldana spurred a lot of bizarre articles this week after a tidbit from her “Allure” cover story quoted her saying that she was “androgynous” enough to raise a child with another woman. Clearly androgynous does not always mean something sexual, so it seemed strange to refer to her as bisexual without her having said so. “Allure” released more from the interview. One thing’s for sure: Zoe knows how to stir up some headlines.

Read more at AfterEllen.com

AfterEllen is the pop culture site that plays for your team

From another recent bakery incident, people gathered to protest the bakery that refused to make a same-sex couple a wedding cake. That bakery is now being investigated for violation of state discrimination legislation. (Photo: Robert Dinwall/KOIN)

BY ZACK FORD
ThinkProgress

Another bakery in Oregon has refused to sell a cake to a lesbian couple for their commitment ceremony. Erin Hanson and Katie Pugh reached out to Fleur Cakes for a wedding cake for their celebration near Mt. Hood, but owner Pam Regentin made it quite clear she would not serve them because they are a same-sex couple. KATU News reporter Dan Cassuto reached Regentin by phone to confirm she understood she was clearly violating Oregon’s nondiscrimination law.

The story parallels a similar instance of discrimination from earlier this year, when Sweet Cakes by Melissa refused to provide a same-sex couple a cake because “marriage is a religious institution ordained by God.” The Oregon Labor Bureau is still processing a complaint filed by that couple.

Read more at ThinkProgress.org

The United Nations’ new PSA, “The Riddle,” addresses homophobia and transphobia internationally and makes a promise to LGBTQ people: you are not alone.

(Photo via BBC.co.uk)

BY ZACK FORD
ThinkProgress

History has been made in Brazil as the National Council of Justice voted 14-1 to support a resolution stipulating that gay and lesbian couples should be able to receive marriage licenses throughout the entire country. In 2011, the Brazilian Supreme Court had ruled that it was unconstitutional to discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation, but up to this point, local jurisdictions could decide whether to offer the freedom to marry — 12 states and the federal district had already started doing so.

The council’s decision, which will be published sometime in the coming days, advises that no notary can refuse to perform a same-sex marriage. The ruling could, however, be appealed to the Supreme Court. Previous guidance had suggested that Congress needed to pass a marriage equality law, which it is considering, but Minister Joaquim Barbosa suggested this was “nonsense.”

Read more at ThinkProgress.org