Ask the Femme: My threesome is getting complicated

Threesome feet in bedBY NATASIA LANGFELDER
Lesbian.com

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Hi,
I just came across your blog searching for some advice. I am a straight single woman with, at the time, only one child and pregnant with my second when a girlfriend (who is in a straight relationship) approached me stating they fancied me in more than one way and would like to experiment once I’d had the baby. I agreed. Since then, we have fumbled a number of times. I find myself feeling more than I should for her and disliking her boyfriend. We still are good friends, which means we talk about everything and more, but on my side, I am finding it difficult to always keep it mutual. What do I do? Please help.

Confused Brit

Hi Brit,
I don’t mean to rock your world or anything, but you aren’t as straight as you think you are. Which is fine! Yay! Lady sex! Yay, feelings! Or in your case, boo, feelings!

Most of us develop feelings for a friend at one point in our lives. You were lucky enough to develop an attraction to a friend who actually is attracted to you back. Most people don’t get that far and have to process their unrequited attraction without knowing if friend chemistry would translate into bed chemistry. So now that you know you have BFF chemistry and good sexy times, it makes sense that you would start crushing on your friend. The question is — is she crushing on you, too?

To answer this question you need to use your common sense and probably come clean with her. Do some thinking and ask yourself some questions. Here’s my recommended list of things to contemplate:

  1. Does she ever blush around you?
  2. Does she touch you as much as possible?
  3. Does she play with her hair around you?
  4. Do her pupils dilate like someone just turned off the light in the room when she looks at you?
  5. Do you make her laugh?
  6. Does she complain about her boyfriend to you all the time?
  7. Is she more attentive to you in bed than her boyfriend?
  8. Does she act like you do when you have a crush on someone?

Obviously, none of these can give you a 100 percent answer as to whether she likes you or not. But they can give you a clue to figuring it out. Again, talking to her about it is the only way to know for sure.

It sounds like you dislike the man she’s with out of jealousy more than any particular flaw on his part. My general rule of thumb about complaining about a friend’s choice of mate is to keep your mouth shut, unless the person is emotionally manipulative or abusive in any way. My guess is you are getting jealous of the boyfriend and that’s where these feelings are coming from. If you have a more serious issue with him, I recommend skipping the “I have feelings for you” talk and having an “I’m worried about you” talk. If you really care about her, you can put your romantic feelings on the back burner while she takes care of herself.

BUT! If that’s not an issue, just woman up and confess that the bumping in the night has left you with feelings for her and you want to know if she feels the same way. If she says no, stop the sex. Not in a you-don’t-like-me-back-so-I’m-taking-my-toys-and-going-home way, but in an I-don’t-want-to-get-hurt-so-I-need-to-stop-the-sex-now-but-it-was-fun-while-it-lasted way. Then try to be friends again. Move forward. Maybe go on a dating website and look for other women that you can explore your sexuality with so that you can have a healthy outlet that won’t mess with any of your current friendships.

Good Luck, Brit!

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