BY NATASIA LANGFELDER
Hey there! I have two questions.
#1: I am def bisexual, more lez than str8. I am 24, in college and I have a HUGE crush on a female instructor at my school. She is butch, sexy and intriguing. I was sort of confused at first up until this week when I realized we have been making eyes on a regular basis. Last night during class she actually obviously checked me out, slowly, head to toes. It was very sexy. How do I show her that I’ve got the hots for her without making it awkward or getting anyone in trouble because of the teacher/student relationship?
#2: I have never dated a chick before. I have had one night stands, 3sums, 4sums blah blah blah. But I never really had to do the work with a chick — no experience really. And quite frankly, lady parts kinda freak me out! How do I get past my fear because I am totally attracted to girls.
Scared Secret Freak
Girl, don’t be scared! Celebrate that you are discovering your inner freak. Just don’t celebrate with Professor McHottie. I’m sure she’s hot and I’m sure you’re hot. BUT the “making eyes” thing might be wishful thinking on your part. Sometimes it’s much better to fantasize about it and have fun with it than actually know the truth. Maybe your professor was actually thinking, “God, I don’t understand the fashions that these 24 year olds are rocking these days,” or “Did she just drop her pen? Oh no, nothing on the floor.” Either way, you have no idea. AND do you actually want your professor to be that professor who sleeps with her students? I know you want her, but she’s not the only sexy butch woman in the world (she’s probably not even the only hot butch on your campus!) and it would be better for you and your professor to leave the fantasy unfulfilled.
This is what I recommend instead. Go to a queer girl gathering on campus and meet some sexy students. Even if you aren’t attracted to any of them, you will make some friends who can introduce you to girls AND help introduce you to queer culture. Or go online and troll OKCupid for a lady who looks like your professor and bang her brains out.
As for your fear of the what’s between ladies’ legs, that’s a harder one (pun…intended). Perhaps you’re letting your insecurity about being inexperienced get the best of you and that’s why you’re freaking out? First, you need to get yourself a date. But when you are actually ready to get down and dirty with a lady friend, let her know that this is your first time with a girl and you’re nervous. If she’s worth losing your girlginity to, she will understand that this means you are scared you won’t be good in bed and be understanding and slow. And if you need things to slow down, speak up and say “I’m not ready to do that yet.” I have a feeling that when there’s a beaver in your face that’s attached to a lady you have feelings for, you’re fear is going to jump right out the window.
BUT in the off chance I’m wrong, you could just be a pillow princess who needs a stone butch (a woman who doesn’t enjoy digital stimulation of her nether regions) to get off in bed. I met a femme from Staten Island once who is basically a professional pillow princess and she signals her preference not to touch her partner’s muffin by keeping her nails wickedly long. So, that’s another option for you as you start to explore your queerness.
So go forth and date, be up-front and honest and don’t get naked and start the revolution with your professor.
Thanks for writing in and good luck!
PS… 3sums and 4sums? I don’t know how secret of a freak you really are, SSF. 😉
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Natasia Langfelder is just a girl, writing about girls in New York City. Read more of her work at Hot Femme in the City.