You found someone who’s cute and/or smart. Congratulations! But wait a minute. Are you dating her for the right reasons? Because believe it or not, there are right and wrong reasons to date someone. Here are some of the wrong ones:
You’re dating her only because she looks good on your arm.
Perhaps you have a low self-esteem or haven’t had a girlfriend in a while. She is attractive and people stare at you when the two of you walk in the door. You are the ultimate power couple. Except you’re not really that into her. When it’s just the two of you alone, it’s not all that exciting. Bottom line? You should only date someone who makes you feel good. Forget everybody else’s compliments or opinions.
You’re dating her only because your mother likes her.
Mom’s approval is very important. I totally understand that. But it shouldn’t trump your opinion. If you break up with her, it’ll probably break mom’s heart, but she’ll get over it. If you stay with someone only your mother likes, then you’ll be unhappy in the long run.
You’re dating her only because you like her personality.
Unfortunately, a date is not like a friend. You have to be sexually as well as mentally attracted to a date, and if there are no fireworks there, then you’re in trouble. In the early stages, you can get away with just liking her personality, but once sex enters the picture, you need to have good physical chemistry if the relationship is going to be a success.
You’re dating her only because you’re lonely.
No, she’s not the perfect match, but you’ve been single for a number of years now. It’s hard sleeping alone every night and you’re beginning to feel lonely. So why not date someone who will make you feel better? This is the kind of relationship that might work out in the short run, but will never be a long-term relationship because she is not your match. She is just convenient.
You’re dating her only because she can get you a job.
This may be the worst reason in the world to date someone. You don’t like her, are not even attracted to her, but she holds the key to your professional future. Dating someone like this makes you a rat. It’s a selfish thing to do, and she will find out. You can’t fake loving someone forever.
You’re dating her partly to anger your parents.
Remember: sometimes when your parents don’t like someone, there is a reason. She might not be good for you. While we’re in love, we can’t see a person’s flaws. But parents take a more objective view. Think about whether there is anything else about her that you like other than the fact that she angers your parents. Think about whether your parents’ criticisms of her are correct. You may be surprised that mommy or daddy knows best.
You’re dating her because you have a crush on her.
It’s good to have a crush on a person you are dating, but there needs to be more. Feelings of “butterflies” in the stomach go away after a while as you get to know your crush more. Then your love will have to be based on something stronger than feelings of lust.
OneGoodLove.com is a dating site created for and built by relationship-minded gays and lesbians.